From the inside out....

It's been more of a challenge than ever to make myself put down on paper (or screen) all the chaos that is constantly pushing it's way around in my head. There is so much going on in there. Maybe it's just that's I've gotten better at wearing the mask, protecting myself, putting up that wall so no one really knows what's going on that I can't just spit it out. I've been watching old movies, reading old books and poems, looking at art... All those things, that I can clearly see now, had a profound effect on how I perceived the world, myself, and those around me. I was recently reminded by a good friend about how we had met. Once he got into the story I remembered it, but I thought to myself, really? Was that really me? I was outgoing and not afraid of what anyone thought. I like to think that I'm that way now, at least with the latter part of that statement, I know that I've become socially anxious and don't have the energy or even mu...

So here's my first attempt at a "real" blog, not unlike the "pseudo" blog I used to keep on myspace. I haven't been writing there for quite some time, really, I haven't been writing anywhere. I think I've been struggling so much to keep everything in, I've totally stunted any kind of form of expression that used to flow out of me. This is about to change. I feel like, maybe, posting a blog on this kind of site, not under constant prying eyes of "friends", maybe I'll find it easier to be more honest. More brutal. More concise. If I'm discovered here by people I know, that's one thing. It's a whole other thing to post on the type of site that's too easy too see. Too easy to make assumptions. Not that I need anonymity, but I feel like I need a little bit of separation. If that makes any sense. I'm almost thinking no one will read this anyway so might as well get naked here. We will see. It'll take so...