From the inside out....

Geesh. I've started this thing a few times now. Write a couple lines, then abandon that thought, delete, and start over. If only life were that simple. My unboyfriend called it quits. No more unboyfriend, just friend. It suits me fine. The part I have difficulty with is the why. My mind toggles back and forth with the "fuck yous" and the "why am I not good enoughs". I can't deny there was a little something missing. I go over it again and again. Was it simply the chemistry was not there? Was it because he was closed off or was I? I hate when people try and spare your feelings by feeding you some line about how awesome you are and how "you deserve better than me". It's a total cop out. Does it make you feel better to say that instead of how you really feel? Or is it that you don't know how you really feel? Personally I like brutal honesty. I like to know what's REALLY going on. It puts me as ease. At least most of the ...

misanthrope or misanthropist (ˈmɪzənˌθrəʊp, mɪˈzænθrəpɪst) — n a person who dislikes or distrusts other people or mankind in general [C17: from Greek mīsanthrōpos, from misos hatred + anthrōpos man] I feel like curling up in a ball on my couch, candles lit, music on... Beyond the fact that I'm sitting up typing this, the scenario is pretty much just that. So emotional lately. I feel alone. I feel like even if I did talk about my "feelings", I'd be setting myself up for judgement, and I just can't go along with that. I just wish I could make people understand. I wish I could understand what's really going on with other people. It didn't used to be like this. I'm not sure at what point I ended up taking this path, but it's pretty miserable and I've pretty much talked myself into a corner. heart   [hahrt] –noun 1. the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion: In your heart you know...

I've been listening to DeVotchKa like non-stop for the past week or so. I do this. Go through these phases when only one artist or band or album will do. DeVotchKa gets the prize this week. I'm not quite sure what this says about me or my week or my life... I haven't been writing like I want to. Not in frequentness, quality, or creativeness. But I have been re-reading old things. For some reason this brings me nearer to those places that I used to escape to to find refuge from my intolerable life. This is not to say things are perfect these days, but I frequently rely on other ways to deal, manage, and look at life so the urge to escape isn't quite so strong. There are so many things swimming around inside my head that I feel I need to let out. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. Only it's not that easy. I will digress to my favorite format of the list. 1. Breaking my foot This has been especially challenging for me and not just for obvious r...