Like a dream I remember from an easier time, with the top rolled down on a Saturday night...
misanthrope or misanthropist (ˈmɪzənˌθrəʊp, mɪˈzænθrəpɪst)
— n
a person who dislikes or distrusts other people or mankind in general
[C17: from Greek mīsanthrōpos, from misos hatred + anthrōpos man]
I feel like curling up in a ball on my couch, candles lit, music on... Beyond the fact that I'm sitting up typing this, the scenario is pretty much just that. So emotional lately. I feel alone. I feel like even if I did talk about my "feelings", I'd be setting myself up for judgement, and I just can't go along with that. I just wish I could make people understand. I wish I could understand what's really going on with other people. It didn't used to be like this. I'm not sure at what point I ended up taking this path, but it's pretty miserable and I've pretty much talked myself into a corner.
heart [hahrt]
–noun
1. the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion: In your heart you know I'm an honest man.
2. the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect: His head told him not to fall in love, but his heart had the final say.
3. capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection: His heart moved him to help the needy.
4. spirit, courage, or enthusiasm: His heart sank when he walked into the room and saw their gloomy faces.
I have entirely too much heart. So much that I can't keep it all inside, it's like a ninja, sneaking out through my tear ducts at inopportune moments and then it runs and hides, rendering me tongue tied and exhausted at trying to be in control of it all. I've been so sad lately. So so so sad. Sad and confused. I don't really know if I'm making the right decisions. I don't know how these decisions are truly affecting others. And I don't know how it's all going to turn out. As I see it, I have three choices...
*Door number one, pretty sure I'm all but burning a bridge... trying to let go but hang on... Changes directly involving other people are so complicated. No matter how much I want it, I can't wait for you anymore. It breaks my heart into tiny itty bitty pieces, but the truth is, it's tearing me up.
**Door number two, I know what I want, do you? There's the chance that maybe you don't, maybe you're just not ready to say it yet.... but there's the chance you DO know and it's not me. I've done my time waiting. I've done my time with being amicable. I've done my time with being completely understanding, supportive, and loyal. Now what I want, what I NEED, is someone willing to put themselves on line the way I do. Please just explain what this is exactly... cuz it feels like a relationship to me.
***Door number three, I isolate. I protect myself. I build a wall and I get nothing.
I just want to feel happy, content, secure. I know that life holds no guarantees, but come on, when is it my turn? I'm tired of crying.
— n
a person who dislikes or distrusts other people or mankind in general
[C17: from Greek mīsanthrōpos, from misos hatred + anthrōpos man]
I feel like curling up in a ball on my couch, candles lit, music on... Beyond the fact that I'm sitting up typing this, the scenario is pretty much just that. So emotional lately. I feel alone. I feel like even if I did talk about my "feelings", I'd be setting myself up for judgement, and I just can't go along with that. I just wish I could make people understand. I wish I could understand what's really going on with other people. It didn't used to be like this. I'm not sure at what point I ended up taking this path, but it's pretty miserable and I've pretty much talked myself into a corner.
heart [hahrt]
–noun
1. the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion: In your heart you know I'm an honest man.
2. the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect: His head told him not to fall in love, but his heart had the final say.
3. capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection: His heart moved him to help the needy.
4. spirit, courage, or enthusiasm: His heart sank when he walked into the room and saw their gloomy faces.
I have entirely too much heart. So much that I can't keep it all inside, it's like a ninja, sneaking out through my tear ducts at inopportune moments and then it runs and hides, rendering me tongue tied and exhausted at trying to be in control of it all. I've been so sad lately. So so so sad. Sad and confused. I don't really know if I'm making the right decisions. I don't know how these decisions are truly affecting others. And I don't know how it's all going to turn out. As I see it, I have three choices...
*Door number one, pretty sure I'm all but burning a bridge... trying to let go but hang on... Changes directly involving other people are so complicated. No matter how much I want it, I can't wait for you anymore. It breaks my heart into tiny itty bitty pieces, but the truth is, it's tearing me up.
**Door number two, I know what I want, do you? There's the chance that maybe you don't, maybe you're just not ready to say it yet.... but there's the chance you DO know and it's not me. I've done my time waiting. I've done my time with being amicable. I've done my time with being completely understanding, supportive, and loyal. Now what I want, what I NEED, is someone willing to put themselves on line the way I do. Please just explain what this is exactly... cuz it feels like a relationship to me.
***Door number three, I isolate. I protect myself. I build a wall and I get nothing.
I just want to feel happy, content, secure. I know that life holds no guarantees, but come on, when is it my turn? I'm tired of crying.
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